


We're All Gay (and Emo) So Why Not Start A Group Chat?

by rxinventlove



Category: Dodie Clark (Muscian), Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Twenty One Pilots
Genre: AND GAY, Alternate Universe - High School, Dallon's also a toll asexual bean, Im currently at school and AO3 isn't blocked so im here, It gets better I promise, Josh has a crush on ty, Multi, Polyamory, also if your reading this comment something stupid like butts and we can be friends, because there's a lot of them, beebo is such a bottom like honestly it's a bit much, bren is also a really bad insomniac, but come on read it, but they're homoromantic together soooooo, but tyjo is totally oblivious, by better I mean it gets mediocre, dan and phil are here too, dodie's also just here being cool, except for Patrick cause he's a smol asexual bean, fronk is just really cool, group chat au, halsey melanie and sarah are all poly together, hasta la vista kids, having a real ending wouldn’t make it any different, hello from the past, i just realized these tags tell more of the story then the actual fic, i like to add new tags just to see if people notice, idk if this really counts as an orphaned work bc there was no plot, if you don't know who Dodie Clarke is gtfo, if you're reading this it's currently 9:12 pm on sunday june 25 2017, if youre reading this youre pretty c00l, im genuinely curious as to who actually reads these tags, its a good time i promise, just come say hi, just kidding PLEASE DONT LEAVE, like a lot of angst and sin, literally everyone is gay, pete's an actual two year old, ray andy and joe are all pretty lit teachers, sarah is the mom friend, sin - Freeform, spencer and jon are here somewhere, teenage angst, the first chapters are bad ew ignore them, there's literally no plot to this story, this was written at noon on a sunday so fuck off, w o w z a
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 14:09:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 4,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10112534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rxinventlove/pseuds/rxinventlove
Summary: That one group chat fic where the author's like "that one group chat fic no one asked for" that no on asked for. You can try and figure out that sentence but I wouldn't if I were you.-----------breadbox has created a group chat!breadbox has named the group chat: Welcome to the Hellbreadbox: hello gaysdaddy dal: fuck off bren it's 2ambreadbox: and your point is?pattycakes: unlike you dipshit we need sleep





	1. Welcome To Hell

**Author's Note:**

> ayyyyyyy so the names should be pretty easy to figure out but I'll put them here anyway
> 
> breadbox - Brendon  
> cheesewhiz - Ryan  
> daddy dal - Dallon  
> pattycakes - Patrick  
> pete wentz to hell - Pete  
> gee way - Gerard  
> fronk - Frank  
> milkeyway - Mikey  
> spence - Spencer  
> jon walked away - Jon  
> TyJo - Tyler  
> Jishwa - Josh  
> dan is on fire - Dan  
> ur mum - Phil  
> dorothy - Dodie  
> im blue - Halsey  
> crybaby - Melanie  
> the mom friend - Sarah

breadbox has created a group chat!

breadbox has named the group chat: Welcome to the Hell

breadbox: hello gays

daddy dal: fuck off bren it's 2am

breadbox: and your point is?

pattycakes: unlike you dipshit we need sleep

breadbox: BUT IM BORED AND GAY AND AN INSOMNIAC 

cheesewhiz: babe seriously just stop

breadbox: fine at least I know who's not getting anything from me anytime soon

cheesewhiz: bren bb please just go to bed we can discuss this is the morning 

breadbox: fine

\-----

pete wentz to hell: FIRST DAY OF SENIOR YEAR FUCKERS

jishwa: is pete wentz excited for school?

pattycakes: the actual fuck petes broken

pete wentz to hell: we're the top of the food chain of course I'm excited

milkeyway: pete we're the gay group I'm pretty sure the freshmans are higher up on the metaphorical highschool food chain 

pete wentz to hell: DONT BE RUDE MIKES

breadbox: did you guys hear that we're getting three new transfer students

pattycakes: how do you even know that school hasn't even started yet

breadbox:.......

patty pcakes: ?

breadbox: I have my ways

pattycakes: that's not an answer

breadbox: oh look at the time I better go before I'm late

pattycakes: bren you've never been on time once

breadbox: GOTTA BLAST

pattycakes: for fucks sake

\-----

the mom friend: did you guys meet the new students?

pattycakes: no I was too busy trying to keep bren from jumping them

daddy dal: I was helping so no

breadbox: I TRIED BUT THE PLANTS KEPT STOPING ME

cheesewhiz: don't call someone a plant because of their sexual preferences bren

breadbox: sorry

im blue: me and mel met them

crybaby: they were pretty cool

gee way: I saw them in the office this morning 

fronk: what the hell did you do to get sent to the office on the first day

gee way: mr. toro caught me smoking 

fronk: good going there gee

the mom friend: BACK ON TOPIC PLEASE

the mom friend: can I add them to the chat?

breadbox: PLEASE DO

pattycakes: sure

daddy dal: why not

gee way: ya

fronk: go ahead

im blue: sounds good bb

cheesewhiz: do it

the mom friend: not everybody needs to answer

pete wentz to hell: BUT ALL OF US ARE STILL GOING TO ANSWER ANYWAY

the mom friend: pete no

pete wentz away: sorry sarah 

the mom friend: everyone *cough brendon cough* be nice they just moved here from England and you guys are not the most welcoming people

breadbox: I feel attacked

the mom friend has added dan is on fire, ur mum and dorothy to the chat! 

pattycakes: name, pronouns, sexual orientation and significant other please 

dan is on fire: Dan, he/him, Gay af and Phil is my smol bb

ur mum: Phil, they/them, Flaming Homosexual and Dan

dorothy: Dorothy but please call me Dodie, she/her, bisexual and I'm very single

the mom friend: well I'm Sarah, she/her, lesbian and Ashley and Melanie are my two beautiful girlfriends if you have a problem with that you can leave

I'm blue: I'm Ashley one of said girlfriends, they/them or she/her, very very much a lesbian and Sarah and Melanie 

crybaby: Melanie, she/her, pansexual and Sarah and Ashley 

breadbox: Brendon Urie at your service, he/him, sparkly bisexual and Ryan is my grumpy ass boyfriend

cheesewhiz: bren you can gfy, im Ryan, he/him, gay and Brendon the asshole

pattycakes: im Patrick, he/him, asexual (but I'm homoromantic) and Dallon is my beautiful boyfriend 

daddy dal: Dallon, he/him, also asexual and Pat 

pete wentz to hell: IM PETE, HE/HIM, REALLY GAY AND MIKEY

milkeyway: pete stop 

milkeyway: Im Mikey, he/him, super duper gay and and Pete

gee way: Gerard, they/them, honestly everyone here is gay including me and Frankie

fronk: Frank, he/him, gay and Gerard is my bf

jishwa: Josh, he/him, bi and single :(

TyJo: Im Tyler, he/him or they/them, gay and single

spence: Spencer, he/him, gay but only for Jon

jon walked away: spence you were already very gay before I came along

jon walked away: im Jon, he/him, pansexual and Spencer is my idiot boyfriend

breadbox: welcome to hell children ;)


	2. La La Land Is Lit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> breadbox - Brendon  
> cheesewhiz - Ryan  
> daddy dal - Dallon  
> pattycakes - Patrick  
> pete wentz to hell - Pete  
> gee way - Gerard  
> fronk - Frank  
> milkeyway - Mikey  
> spence - Spencer  
> jon walked away - Jon  
> TyJo - Tyler  
> Jishwa - Josh  
> dan is on fire - Dan  
> ur mum - Phil  
> dorothy - Dodie  
> im blue - Halsey  
> crybaby - Melanie  
> the mom friend - Sarah

dorothy: DO YOU GUYS LIKE LA LA LAND

dorothy: I NEED TO KNOW 

pattycakes: LA LA LAND IS A MASTERPIECE HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE IT

dorothy: ITS SO GREAT IVE SEEN IT 6 TIMES

pattycakes: IKR ITS SO GREAT

breadbox: i thought it was stupid

pattycakes: GO AWAY BRENDON NO ON CARES

dorothy: GO GIVE RYAN A BLOWJOB OR SOMETHING JUST FUCK OFF

breadbox: well damn

breadbox: she catches on quick

\-----

pete wentz to hell: guys

pete wentz to hell: im stuck in my locker

milkyway: bob?

pete wentz to hell: the one and only

milkyway: im coming to save you hold on

cheesewhiz: is that why your not in math?

pete wentz to hell: I wouldn't have gone to math even if I wasn't in my locker

cheesewhiz: good point 

im blue: how did you get him angry that fast school started less then an hour ago 

pete wentz to hell: I might have maybe put a bunch of dildos in his locker this morning 

jon walked away: how did you even afford more then one dildo 

milkeyway: pete I've never once seen money in your wallet how the hell did you afford a bunch of dildos

pete wentz to hell: im always broke because i spend all my money on dildos duh

dan is on fire: what kind of group did I join 

pete wentz to hell: a very gay one

jon walked away: i mean he has a point

\-----

breadbox: GUYS WHOS IN MUSIC WITH DODIE RIGHT NOW

daddy dal: i am and im shook

cheesewhiz: what's happening?

the mom friend: ash, mel im leaving you guys for dodie SHE IS A GODDESS

im blue: what?

im blue: im so confused please don't leave me

TyJo: I think dodie's voice has turned me straight

spence: she's so good like im done 

crybaby: WHERE IS SHE HOW DARE THAT LITTLE BRITISH TWAT STEAL MY GIRLFRIEND I DONT CARE HOW GREAT HER VOICE IS I WILL FIGHT 

crybaby: actually scratch that dodie is a goddess

crybaby: i just

dorothy: why is everybody staring at me?

dorothy: what?

dorothy: im not even that good like have you heard brendon

daddy dal: NO WHAT YOU ARE AN ANGEL STOP

breadbox: i can feel the sin melting away

cheesewhiz: she can't be that good bren you are literally the most sinful person I know

breadbox sent a video

cheesewhiz: i take that back her voice is that good

breadbox: i just

dorothy: im so bad guys like my voice cracked 3 times

the mom friend: frank is literally just sitting with his guitar staring the last time frank sat still was never

fronk: im so shook

gee way: why did brendon just run down the hall screaming "DODIE IS A GODDESS WE ALL MUST BOW DOWN TO HER AND HER WONDERFUL VOICE"

daddy dal: read up

gee way: oh

gee way: i understand now

breadbox: mr.hurley is trying to chase me down BITCH GOTTA BLAST

breadbox: DODIE COME SAVE ME WITH YOUR ANGELIC VOICE HELP

breadbox: GUYS

breadbox: fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys honestly dodie clark is an angel too pure for this world if you don't know who she is please go educate yourself and then come back


	3. Jesus in Drag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> breadbox - Brendon  
> cheesewhiz - Ryan  
> daddy dal - Dallon  
> pattycakes - Patrick  
> pete wentz to hell - Pete  
> gee way - Gerard  
> fronk - Frank  
> milkeyway - Mikey  
> spence - Spencer  
> jon walked away - Jon  
> TyJo - Tyler  
> Jishwa - Josh  
> dan is on fire - Dan  
> ur mum - Phil  
> dorothy - Dodie  
> im blue - Halsey  
> crybaby - Melanie  
> the mom friend - Sarah

breadbox: im bored 

breadbox: guys

daddy dal: we're in the middle of english 

breadbox: and?

daddy dal: you could maybe pay attention for once

breadbox: who do you think I am

daddy dal: i think your an idiot but maybe you could at least try to be a productive member of society 

breadbox: me? A productive member of society? Are you sure?

daddy dal: your right that is the most insane thing ive ever said

breadbox: that it is

breadbox: im still bored

breadbox: come on

breadbox: guyyyyyyyyys

\-----

pattycakes: IM SCARED FOR LIFE

pattycakes: MY EYES

jishwa: what happened

pattycakes: I JUST WALKED IN ON BRENDON AND RYAN

pattycakes: THEY WERE DOING IT IN THE BATHROOM BY THE MUSIC ROOM

pattycakes: IM NEVER USING THAT SINK AGAIN

jishwa: that bathroom is forever tainted

breadbox: like what you saw pat

pattycakes: no I did not my little asexual eyes are stained with your sin

cheesewhiz: sorry pattycakes

pattycakes: im just going to go wash my eyes 

\-----

cheesewhiz: IM HAVING A CRISIS

cheesewhiz: I RAN OUT OF EYELINER

cheesewhiz: GUYS I CANT BE AN ANGSTY TEEN WITHOUT MY EMO EYELINER

im blue: your life is over

cheesewhiz: I don't need your sass this is a matter of life and death

dorothy: im pretty sure you're angsty enough without the eyeliner

cheesewhiz: SHUT UP THIS IS IMPORTANT 

pete wentz to hell: I have some u can borrow

cheesewhiz: PLEASE

daddy dal: have you guys seen brendon today

cheesewhiz: no why

daddy dal: i think i know where all your eyeliner went

daddy dal sent a photo 

pete wentz to hell: is brendon wearing drag

cheesewhiz: jesus christ 

breadbox: no it's just me

breadbox has changed their name to Jesus Christ 

Jesus Christ: now im jesus 

Jesus Christ: jesus in drag

cheesewhiz: oh good god

Jesus Christ: no need to bring my dad into this

cheesewhiz: im leaving 

TyJo: what is happening 

daddy dal: good question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> your welcome for this shit show


	4. Im Too Tired To Finish A Whole Chapter So Have This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know if you can't keep up with the usernames fuq off m8 cause im too lazy to figure them out myself

Jesus Christ changed their name to botox urinal

botox urinal: sup m8's

dorothy: why are you up at 4 in the morning 

botox urinal: i could ask you the same question 

dorothy: insomnia 

botox urinal: IM NOT ALONE THANK GOD

dorothy: if you ever become a drag queen please name yourself botox urinal

dorothy: it's a great name just saying 

botox urinal: who's to say im not already a drag queen

dorothy: it's too late to be thinking about you in drag gn

botox urinal: NO DONT LEAVE

botox urinal: STOP LEAVING ME ALONE GUYS

botox urinal: fuck u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i might finish the other chapters i have almost ready today but we'll see 
> 
> im tired sue me


	5. A Collection Of Times When Sarah Was A Mom

botox urinal: some homeless guy just bitch slapped me

pete wentz to hell: do tell more

botox urinal: he called me a "fucking emo ass looking whore"

cheesewhiz: i mean its an accurate insult 

the mom friend: be nice

cheesewhiz: sorry sarah

the mom friend: are you ok bren?

botox urinal: ya im fine

botox urinal: just mentally hurt by ryans attack

botox urinal: how r00d

the mom friend: stop

botox urinal: sorry mom

the mom friend: Brendon Boyd Urie

botox urinal: sorry sarah

\-----

pattycakes: EW BRENDON NO

pattycakes: GUYS STOP HAVING SECKS IN SCHOOL BATHROOMS

pattycakes: WHY ME 

botox urinal: because sex is gud

pattycakes: ewwwwwwww

botox urinal: i think that was the only bathroom we havent done it in

pattycakes: noooooooOOooooOooooOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOooOOOOOoOOOOO

the mom friend: brendon

botox urinal: sorry sarah

the mom friend: im not the one you should be apologizing to

botox urinal: sorry pat

patrick: sorrys not going to disinfect everyone of our schools bathrooms

the mom friend: you better get started bleaching then brendon

cheesewhiz: ha

the mom friend: you too ryan

cheesewhiz: damn it

botox urinal: ha

\-----

dorothy: guys im sad

pete wentz to hell: then be happy

dorothy: its not that easy

pete wentz to hell: go find someone to do the sex with and then youll be happy

dorothy: but what if i dont want a quick fuck

dorothy: what if i want love

pete wentz to hell: i have mikey so this isnt my problem 

the mom friend: that was just inconsiderate 

pete wentz to hell: sorry sarah

the mom friend: you okay dodes 

dorothy: no

the mom friend: do you need a hug

dorothy: ya

the mom friend: IM COMING TO FIND YOU MY PRECIOUS CHILD

\-----

daddy dal: sarah

the mom friend: yes honey

daddy dal: could you help me study for our chemistry test

the mom friend: of course

botox urinal: nerds

the mom friend: brendon

botox urinal: sorry sarah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im naming dallon and sarah the not-so-offical parents of this group chat fic also hey look i finished a mediocre chapter go me


	6. ANGST ANGST ANGST (also known as jon is an idiot and terrible friend)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im having a day so here's some angst

jon walked away: OMG DAN AND PHIL ARE SO CUTE

TyJo: IKR THEYRE HOLDING HANDS IN THE CAFETERIA I CANT

jon walked away: WHAT DO YOU MEAN JOSHLER PHAN IS THE NEW OTP

TyJo: what the hell is joshler

jon walked away: oops

jon walked away: ABORT MISSION

TyJo: IM SO CONFUSED WHAT

jon walked away: yeeeeeeeeeeeet

TyJo: SOMEONE EXPLAIN

jishwa: jon

jishwa: did you just

jishwa: i swear to all that is holy

jon walked away: tell my family I love them

jon walked away: spence you can have my cd collection 

spence: josh if you lay a hand on my boyfriend I will stick my foot so far up your ass that you'll never walk again

breadbox: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

breadbox: I need drama someone please follow through with these threats

the mom friend: not now brendon 

breadbox: sorry sarah 

TyJo: SOMEBODY GIVE ME ANSWERS NOW

jishwa: im sorry ty

TyJo: wait josh come back

TyJo: josh?

breadbox: oh shit

breadbox: that escalated quick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my day was crappy what about yours?


	7. Weed is Tight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yEET

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly can't keep up with usernames screw off

TyJo: have any of you guys seen josh today 

botox urinal: he said he was sick or some shit idk

TyJo: thx for the help asshole

botox urinal: kindness is a virtue that you do not possess

TyJo: go fuck yourself

the mom friend: dont swear my smol bean

TyJo: sorry sarah 

\-----

botox urinal: I'm out of weed help

gee way: do you want to come over and smoke then

botox urinal: as long as youre providing the weed

gee way: of course

the mom friend: nooooooooo my children you've been corrupted 

botox urinal: yEET

gee way: yEET

the mom friend:noooooooOooooOoooOOOOOoooooOOOOOOoooOOOOOOOOOOO MY CHILDREN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why the fuck have over 500 people clicked on this? like are you ok? you guys need to rethink your life choices, anyway I've been feeling really unmotivated but seeing how many people actually enjoy this I thought I would try and put something out even if it's shit
> 
> Your comments give me life so feel free to spam me like honestly I want you to


	8. gEt ShReKeD bItCh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM HAVING A SUDDEN BURST OF INSPIRATION GO ME

pete wentz to hell: *cracks knuckles*

milkeyway: oH 

pattycakes: pray for us

pete wentz to hell: 

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me   
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed   
She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb  
 In the shape of an "L" on her forehead 

Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming   
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running   
Didn't make sense not to live for fun   
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb 

So much to do, so much to see   
So what's wrong with taking the back streets?   
You'll never know if you don't go   
You'll never shine if you don't glow 

Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play   
Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid   
And all that glitters is gold   
Only shooting stars break the mold 

It's a cool place and they say it gets colder   
You're bundled up now, wait till you get older  
 But the meteor men beg to differ   
Judging by the hole in the satellite picture  
 The ice we skate is getting pretty thin   
The water's getting warm so you might as well swim 

My world's on fire, how about yours?  
 That's the way I like it and I never get bored 

Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play   
Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid   
All that glitters is gold   
Only shooting stars break the mold 

Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play  
 Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show, on get paid   
And all that glitters is gold   
Only shooting stars  break the mold

Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas?  
 I need to get myself away from this place  
 I said yep what a concept  
 I could use a little fuel myself  
 And we could all use a little change 

Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming   
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running   
Didn't make sense not to live for fun   
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

 So much to do, so much to see   
So what's wrong with taking the back streets?  
 You'll never know if you don't go (go!)  
 You'll never shine if you don't glow 

Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play  
 Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid   
And all that glitters is gold   
Only shooting stars break the mold   
And all that glitters is gold   
Only shooting stars break the mold

botox urinal: tRIGGERED

milkeyway: did you just

daddy dal: actually 

dorothy: I hate you

dan is on fire: I also hate you

pete wentz to hell: *cracks neck*

pattycakes: NO STOP

fronk: why

pete wentz to hell:

Making my way down town  
 Walking fast   
Faces pass   
And I'm home bound 

Staring blankly ahead   
Just making my way   
Making a way   
Through the crowd 

And I need you   
And I miss you   
And now I wonder  
 If I could fall   
Into the sky   
Do you think time  
 Would pass me by   
'Cause you know  
I'd walk a thousand miles  
 If I could just see you, tonight 

It's always times like these  
 When I think of you   
And I wonder If you ever think of me 

'Cause everything's so wrong   
And I don't belong Living in   
Your precious memory 

'Cause I need you   
And I miss you and now I wonder  
 If I could fall Into the sky   
Do you think time   
Would pass me by, oh   
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles   
If I could just see you tonight 

And I, I  
don't want to let you know  
I, I  
drown in your memory  
I, I  
don't want to let this go   
I, I don't. 

Making my way down town walking fast  
 Faces pass   
And I'm home bound   
Staring blankly ahead   
Making my way  
 Making a way  
 Through the crowd 

And I still need you   
And I still miss you  
 And now I wonder  
 If I could fall into the sky   
Do you think time, would pass us by   
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles  
 If I could just see you, now 

If I could fall into the sky   
Do you think time would pass me by   
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles  
 If I could just see you   
If I could just hold you, tonight. 

milkeyway: you are the worst person ever

crybaby: please have mercy pete

pete wentz to hell: *cracks back*

botox urinal: im ready 

pete wentz to hell:

Is this the real life?  
Is this just fantasy?  
Caught in a landslide,  
No escape from reality.

Open your eyes,  
Look up to the skies and see,  
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy,  
Because I'm easy come, easy go,  
Little high, little low,  
Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me.

Mama, just killed a man,  
Put a gun against his head,  
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead.  
Mama, life had just begun,  
But now I've gone and thrown it all away.

Mama, ooh,  
Didn't mean to make you cry,  
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow,  
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters.

Too late, my time has come,  
Sends shivers down my spine,  
Body's aching all the time.  
Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go,  
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.

Mama, ooh (any way the wind blows),  
I don't wanna die,  
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.

I see a little silhouetto of a man,  
Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?  
Thunderbolt and lightning,  
Very, very frightening me.  
(Galileo) Galileo.  
(Galileo) Galileo,  
Galileo Figaro  
Magnifico-o-o-o-o.

I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me.  
He's just a poor boy from a poor family,  
Spare him his life from this monstrosity.

Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?  
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go. (Let him go!)  
Bismillah! We will not let you go. (Let him go!)  
Bismillah! We will not let you go. (Let me go!)  
Will not let you go. (Let me go!)  
Never, never let you go  
Never let me go, oh.  
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.  
Oh, mama mia, mama mia (Mama mia, let me go.)  
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me.

So you think you can stop me and spit in my eye?  
So you think you can love me and leave me to die?  
Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby,  
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here.

(Ooooh, ooh yeah, ooh yeah)

Nothing really matters,  
Anyone can see,  
Nothing really matters,  
Nothing really matters to me.

Any way the wind blows.

milkeyway: im breaking up with you

pete wentz to hell: no moikey dont do it

milkeyway: good fucking bye pete

pete wentz to hell: no babe pls

pete wentz to hell: i need you come back

pete wentz to hell: i love you pls don't leave me mikes

pete wentz to hell: mikey?

\-----

dorothy: why is pete tackling mikey in the middle of the cafeteria 

cheesewhiz: because he can

dorothy: good answer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya fucking welcome


	9. If Dicks Grew On Trees, What Would The Tree Be Called?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I'm back! (maybe)  
> 2) This is short i know fuck off  
> 3) If you haven't listened to the new FOB song leave

botox urinal: if dicks grew on trees what would the tree be called

cheesewhiz: what the actual fuck

pete wentz to hell: even i can't come up with an answer to this 

dorothy: it's too early for this shit

cheesewhiz: its noon

dorothy: your point is?

cheesewhiz: youre right nvm


	10. I'm Tired And Sick=ANGST

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't update forever and when I do it's angst, you're fucking welcome 
> 
> IMPORTANT-ISH SIDENOTE
> 
> Would you guys prefer shorter chapters on a more regular (maybe weekly) basis or longer chapters whenever I actually end up finishing them? Please comment I want to know

* _private message to jishwa*_

TyJo: josh

TyJo: jossshhhhhhhh

TyJo: I know youre avoiding me

TyJo: you can't skip school forever

TyJo: we basically have the same schedule

TyJo: come on you can't avoid me forever

TyJo: josh?

TyJo: you know what

TyJo: fuck you

TyJo: maybe if you weren't such an asshole you would have asked me out and I would have said yes

TyJo: but ignoring your best friend is a much better idea according to you

TyJo: go fuck yourself josh

TyJo: asshole

TyJo: I hope youre happy now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENT YOU ASSHOLES I LIKE WHEN YOU DO IT MAKES ME HAPPY AND GIGGLY


	11. What Do Nun's Do For Fun?

botox urinal has changed their name to brendnun 

fronk: wtf

brendnun: don't question it

brendnun: have faith

fronk: no

brendnun: find the light child everything will be alright soon

fronk: brendon stop 

brendnun: don't fight god

brednun: he loves you

fronk: im an atheist asshole

brendnun: you're just confused child

fronk has changed their name to definitely not confused 

definitely not confused: no

brendnun: yes

definitely not confused: goodbye 

brendnun: yes

brendnun: wAIT NO

brendnun: DONT LEAVE

brendnun: youre just afraid of the truth

brendnun: god will always have room for you in his heart

brendnun: he will forgive your sin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking comment I'm a thirsty bitch


	12. Fidget Spinners (And Brendon) Cause Cancer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still alive assholes

cheesewhiz: some kid in my english class has a fidget spinner for fucks sake

cheesewhiz: we're not in middle school

definitely not confused: burn it

milkyway: kill it

pete wentz to hell: spin it

cheesewhiz: nO

milkeyway: god nO

brendnun: did someone mention the heavenly father 

definitely not confused: im so done with this goodbye

brendnun: dont run from the faith 

brendnun: you are a child of god accept it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment I'm thirsty


	13. ;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you're welcome

*private message to jishwa*

TyJo: you haven't been at school for a week I'm seriously worried 

TyJo: josh?

TyJo: please don't ignore me

TyJo: joshy?

TyJo: stop being an asshole I need to ask you a question 

TyJo: will you be my boyfriend?

jishwa: yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to spam me with comments assholes


	14. Emo Is One Step Below Transvestite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bathroom secks™ and Brendnun strike again

ur mum: are we allowed to talk about joshler now?

ur mum: because they're kissing in the middle of the cafeteria so can I talk about it?

jishwa: no

\----

_patty cakes changed their name too happy go unlucky_

happy go unlucky: HOW THE HELL DO I MANAGE TO WALK IN ON EVERYONE HAVING SEX

happy go unlucky: I DIDNT ASK TO SEE MY TWO TEACHERS DOING IT IN THE SCHOOL BATHROOM BUT LUCKY ME

happy go unlucky: WHY ME

cheesewhiz: why not you

happy go unlucky: fuck you

cheesewhiz: no thats brendons job

happy go unlucky: I'm done

happy go unlucky: good fucking bye

brendnun: idk what you mean child i have never had sex

brendnun: sex is a sin

brendnun: don't ignore me

brendnun: you can't ignore god

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you get the hannah hoffman reference go you, also comment im lonely and needy


	15. Laser Tag Is Fun When You're Singing Hannah Montana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's me bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back assholes, everything's good everyone's good :)

_brendnun has named the group chat to The Best Of Both Worlds_

brendnun: you get the limo out front

milkyway: shit

pete wentz to hell: hottest styles, every shoe, every color

cheesewhiz: fuck me

brendnun: yeah, when you're famous, it can be kinda fun

definitely not confused: kys

pete wentz to hell: It's really you, but no one ever discovers

_daddy dal has left the chat_

_brendnun has added daddy dal to the chat_

brendnun: In some ways you're just like all your friends  
But on stage you're a star

pete wentz to hell: You get the best of both worlds

daddy dal has changed their name to boycott hannah montana 2k17

boycott hannah montana 2k17: s t o p

brendnun: Chill it out, take it slow

pete wentz to hell: Then you rock out the show

brendnun: You get the best of both worlds

cheesewhiz: ffs

pete wentz to hell: Mix it all together

brendnun: And you know that it's the best of both worlds

pete wentz to hell: *creepy 9 year old stalker laugh*

milkeyway: are we done?

cheesewhiz: i think

boycott hannah montana 2k17: thank jesus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment and I'll love you forever


	16. oH FRANKIE

_brendnun has changed their name to brendfun_

brendfun: because celibacy is shit

brendfun: and I enjoy weed

definitely not confused: thank jesus

_definitely not confused has changed their name to frnkierolikesdick_

gee way: dick in general or just mine?

frnkierolikesdick: ;)

gee way: idk what that means

brendfun: it means accept that frank is gay and loves all dicks

gee way: that's a lie

gee way: he's a size queen

brendfun: oH

pete wentz to hell: mY

frnkierolikesdick: I'm leaving

brendfun: come onnnnn

brendfun: do you really want to leave, we're having so much (brend) fun

_frnkierolikesdick has left the chat_

_brendfun has added frnkierolikesdick to the chat_

brendfun: accept your fate

brendfun: you can never leave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment and I'll love you forever


	17. Yes, I'm Still Making Milk Fic Jokes In 2017. Fight Me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In all seriousness, the milk fic needs to just fade into oblivion. But I'll still bring it up because I'm a massive hypocrite. Sue me.

cheesewhiz: ofc when I want to eat cereal there's no milk

brendfun: i wonder where it went *cough cough* up your ass *cough cough*

the mom friend: brendon 

the mom friend: no

dorothy: do I want to ask?

brendfun: yes

the mom friend: no, just leave while you can

dorothy: that's not possible 

brendfun: don't fight it dodie

brendfun: your stuck in a group chat with me and my milk enema loving boyfriend 

the mom friend: Brendon Boyd Urie

brendfun: i will not apologize for telling the truth 

the mom friend: Brendon.

brendfun: sorry

brendfun: she added punctuation it's scary

the mom friend: don't test me bitch 

brendfun: I'm just going to......

brendfun: I'm scared bYe

cheesewhiz: is it a miracle?

cheesewhiz: my phone isn't ringing constantly 

dorothy: it's a christmas miracle 

the mom friend: it's not christmas 

dorothy: shhhhhhhh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment, seriously it makes me feel better about actually writing this shit


	18. I Need Sleep, Someone Send Help

brendfun: what happens if your maid needs a maid 

boycott hannah montana 2k17: what

brendfun: like what if your maid spends all their time cleaning your house and so theirs gets really dirty and they need a maid

boycott hannah montana 2k17: I don't understand it's 2 in the morning 

brendfun: but like think about it

boycott hannah montana 2k17: nah I'd rather not goodnight 

brendfun: s t o p

brendfun: n o

\------

frnkierolikesdick: I just swallowed an entire box of tic tacs 

frnkierolikesdick: am I going to die

dan is on fire: probably 

milkeyway: big fucking mood

frnkierolikesdick: goodbye world

frnkierolikesdick: its been a horrible time

frnkierolikesdick: at least they can write "died for his love of tic tacs" on my grave

frnkierolikesdick: I feel like that's an accomplishment 

dan is not on fire: you're the only one

frnkierolikesdick: fuck off im about to die don't sarcasm me

milkeyway: why is this a thing that's happening 

frnkierolikesdick: the worlds a wonderful place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello I'm back kinda, I'm sorry lol
> 
> comment pls I crave validation


	19. It Was The Summer Of '74

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This will make no sense if you've never read throam fucking sorry bout it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously this will make absolutely no sense if you haven't read throam, but that being said don't read it. It's hurts.

brendfun: hOnK hOnK

pete wentz to hell: vrOom vrOom

brendfun: WEE WOO WEE WOO

the mom friend: crash.

cheesewhiz: bang.

dan is on fire: smoke.

brendfun: jackie, me, and the lady feel very attacked

cheesewhiz: jackie? idk her

brendfun: :')

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HONK HONK BITCHES


	20. Rebranding™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters at once? Idk her

_dan is on fire changed their name to daniel howell_

daniel howell: rebranding™

dorothy: idk how to feel

ur mum: i don't like it

brendfun: danny boy

brendfun: please go back

brendfun: is there some kind of undo button you can press

ur mum: ^

daniel howell: it's just a name

brendfun: but it's not your name

daniel howell: it is literally my name

daniel howell: wtf

brendfun: u n d o

brendfun: g o b a c k

daniel howell: no

daniel howell: I'm edgy

dorothy: sure bud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment pls I beg


	21. sorry lol

not a new chapter sorry lol but i’m not continuing this fic anymore, groupchat fics are dead af and i don’t have any interest in writing more of this so this is it sorry to anyone who’s disappointed or whatever tho i doubt anyone really cares ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

i am gonna try and write some other stuff but school’s kinda insane and idk how much time i’ll have, y’all are pretty fucking great i know some people have been reading this fic since the beginning but it’s time i finish lol

much love,  
jasper <3


End file.
